i guess i'm just thinking a lot of things more over than what should be thought of. I am listening to more music, I am also growing my hair much longer. I dont really remember what it means to love someone with all your heart that isn't of the same sex, a good friend, a family member, or whatever else that you could possibly love.

sometimes i think it would be fun but more often than not i'm afraid of the impact when you hit the ground and every other concussion and whatever everyone may think of you once you decide to take the step off the cliff. it matters they matter they have always mattered what they think will always matter and i have always played it safe

day in and day out i wake up with the sinking feeling that there are other things that i need to do or i have to be doing but in actual reality i'm on summer break the days are long the days are hot and all i can think of are the butterflies that flutter outside my gate on the neighbor's flower patch. My heart beats as fast as their wings flutter.

my hair reaches my collar bones which i am desperately trying to force out of their joints because i am silly like that and i will always be silly like that and as my hair grows longer the days grow shorter and i get more impatient and i keep wondering if everything that is happening is supposed to be happening the way it is

i could leave it alone, i could disguise my heart and sail away to india where no one will ever know me and the indian prince will fall in love with me and we will dance among the stars among the heavens with the angels who'll be singing day in and day out

i don't know where i'm going with this i don't know why i'm writing this, but today i wanted to write because today i wanted to love but i know i don't need to nor do i really actually want to so today i will write today i will write and tomorrow i'll forget